Introduction: Rethinking the Story We Have Been Told
Romans 12:2; 1 Corinthians 7
Our thinking is shaped by the world we live in. Family expectations, church culture, personal experience, disappointment, media, and the stories we absorb all help form the way we see singleness and marriage. Not everything that formed us is wrong. But everything must be brought under the authority of God’s Word. The gospel does not merely add a few religious ideas to the way we already think. It renews our minds and teaches us to see our lives through the wisdom of God.
| “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2 |
In the church there can be a perceived hierarchy: married people at the top, singles at the bottom, and widows, divorced believers, and young adults somewhere in the middle. That hierarchy may be communicated without anyone saying it aloud. We communicate it when marriage is treated as the finish line of adulthood, when singles are constantly asked when they will settle down, or when married people are presented as more complete, mature, or useful than everyone else.
The New Testament does not speak that way. Jesus was fully human and divine, perfectly holy, deeply relational, and completely devoted to the Father’s will, and He was single. Have you ever thought about this truth? Jesus lived a full life, glorified the Father, fulfilled His purpose, and never took a wife. The apostle Paul lived a fruitful, sacrificial, kingdom-centered life as an unmarried man. At the same time, Scripture honors marriage as God’s design, a covenant union, a place of joy, mutual service, family life, and faithful witness of Christ’s love for the church. The Bible does not require us to diminish one gift in order to honor the other.
| CENTRAL TRUTH Marriage is a gift. Singleness is a gift. Neither is a measure of your value, and neither replaces your need for Christ. |
This book invites us to rethink singleness, marriage, sexuality, dating, and purpose through two passages: Colossians 2 and 1 Corinthians 7. Colossians teaches us that our identity and fullness are found in Jesus. First Corinthians teaches us how that identity shapes our bodies, relationships, desires, responsibilities, and use of time.
The wisdom of our triune God calls us to make the most of our time in this distressed and broken world. Whether single or married, we must devote our lives to serving Jesus. That is the thread running through every chapter. The main question is not simply, “Will I marry?” or “How can I improve my marriage?” The deeper question is, “How can my whole life belong to Christ right where He has placed me?”
My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. One day our marriage will come to an end. Statistically, one of us will die before the other. While this seems like a morbid and sobering thought, it is true. This means that most likely, one of us will be single again. So, even married Christians need to value and understand God’s design for singleness.
If you would like to read more of my new ebook, Complete In Christ: Rethinking Singleness, Marriage and Kingdom Purpose, get your free chapter here.