In his book, “How Shall We Live,” Chuck Colson writes, “Our major task in life is to discover what is true and to live in step with that truth.” Yesterday social media buzzed due to Jada Smith, wife of Will Smith, and her revealing of an extramarital affair with a younger man. As the story goes, the couple faced hardships in their marriage, and for Jada’s “happiness,” they separated. I am careful not to reduce or downplay the severity of the situation. However, as a pastor, I have seen this story more often than I would like within marriages. A couple faces struggles, they try and make it work, become unhappy, resentment sets in, anger, and then “we just need space.” Now, this is private information that this celebrity couple chose to make public information. However, it is the reality of many couples, maybe some even reading this. If this is you, there is hope in Christ to restore the brokenness of your marriage.
In the interview, Will Smith asks the question, “Well, Jada, what happened?” Slyly and sheepishly, she says, “Well, I had an “entanglement” with another person. Will not fully satisfied with the answer, presses her for more, “So you had a relationship and then added a discretion?” To which she reply’s, “well no, it is more of a journey.”
Words matter, and even more so, worldview matters. The world view of “entanglement” if we can call it that, views marriage as optional and meant for your happiness. The moment you feel your joy and freedom is hindered is when you must separate. The “entanglement” worldview says sexual fidelity is a matter of personal liberty. So, before marriage, I use my body for sexual promiscuity, and if my spouse does not please me, then I find other “entanglements” to engage in outside of my marriage. Words matter, and “entanglement” is not one that should be used within marriage. Yet, how many professing believers hold this type of worldview? Where to live sexually moral is actually to repress your happiness?
If you are married and have sex with someone who is not your spouse, it is called adultery. Marriage separation or taking a break is not a divorce. You are still in covenant with your spouse, so to have sexual relations with another is to commit adultery. Walter Elwell writes, “Biblically, adultery is a breach of the “one flesh” relationship of marriage. It describes any act of sexual intercourse between a married woman and a man other than her husband, and all sexual intercourse involving a married man and another man’s wife or fiancée.”
As God’s design, marriage is one man, one woman, until death separates the two. So, “space” or “separation” does not null and void the marriage covenant. A vital cornerstone of any healthy marriage is fidelity between the spouses. Your sexual desires are fulfilled, encountered, and overflowing within your marriage relationship. In short, the moment you enter into a marriage covenant with your spouse, sex is for your spouse alone. The triune God who, designed marriage, says, “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
The Lord Jesus affirmed that sexual intimacy is a good thing (of course, he created it), and sexual intimacy is between one man and woman within a marriage covenant. Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that he who created them, in the beginning, made them male and female, and he also said, ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mt 19:4–6.
Let’s view it this way, if I am unhappy with my marriage, “entanglement” is not the answer. Here is the point, “marriage is hard work, but it is a good work.” As my wife and I meet with new couples about to embark on the marriage journey, we lay out for them the purpose of marriage. To mutually complete one another, to multiply a godly legacy, and to mirror God’s image. Notice, while we do find happiness with our spouse, that is not our ultimate aim. Why, because if the ultimate objective is your happiness, what happens when your spouse no longer makes you happy? Well, you look for it elsewhere. However, if your marriage worldview begins with the creator of marriage, then the goal of marriage is His as well.
Proverbs 15:18 says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth.” If you are a follower of Christ, your worldview is not one of “entanglement,” but one rooted in the Biblical worldview of marriage. One man and woman, cleaving together and becoming one flesh.
Yet, the issue is not just marriage; it is a matter of competing worldviews. The “entanglement” worldview is genuinely not one, but what we are engaging with, is a secular worldview. In this view of the world, truth is subjective, but lives out with mantras such as “I am living my truth.” Yet, this worldview falls flat when the reality hits home. When your spouse commits adultery and comes home to tell you, they had to “find their truth” or find happiness. The question then becomes, “how is that subjective truth working out for you?” See, we all know adultery is wrong. It is the law of God that men and women are breaking when they commit adultery. Their rebellion indeed has real-world consequences.
Spurgeon once said, “Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right.” Let us cut it straight when it comes to truth and not entangle ourselves in worldviews that promote our happiness instead of holiness. If you are tempted in this season of marriage to have sex with another who is not your spouse, take a moment to read Proverbs 6:20-35.
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